Life as a disabled writer
I need a nap.
Hello, my friends,
I recently watched a webinar with the Festival of Literary Diversity’s Academy called ‘Life as a Disabled Writer with Amanda Leduc.’ Listen, I have a hard time saying I’m disabled. I have a hard time admiting that my disability — if that’s what I’m going to call it — actually impacts my life on a daily, hourly, or even minute to minute basis. It feels like somehow I haven’t tried hard enough, ya know? Like, maybe if I just put in more effort to, you know, not being mentally ill, I’ll actually pass as a normally functioning human.
I know. Talk about toxic.
In her webinar, Leduc talks about the process of coming to terms with being disabled and that with that realization comes grief. And living with a disability means you need to constantly prove your worthiness as though (as Leduc puts it), “I deserved to have a life worth living.”
Oh boy, did that land. Hard.
Because little did she (or, like, anyone) know that I’d spent the better part of the morning crying… because, life, amirite? But also, grief. I’m tired and I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not and do all the things and then berate myself when I can’t get even a fraction of those things done.
Leduc also talked about allocating resources as a disabled writer: financial, time, community, and creative space. This concept, while not new (hello, Spoonies), reframed my thinking in a way, showing me that it’s okay to back away from some commitments, which I’ve had to do recently. And to not engage when I don’t have the energy. Which is, like, all the time.
It’s hard saying no. It’s hard turning down work. It’s hard realizing that my capacity starts at 9 am (if I’m lucky) but usually ends at lunchtime at which point, I need to gasp for air and read a book.
I want to create and to be present with the people I have. I have goals and projects and hobbies. I want to do those things, which means other things need to shift to the back burner. Which, yeah, it sucks. But finding a way to do those things that do refill my well is the goal. Simple as that.
Well, not quite that simple. But I’m trying.
Meanwhile, I still have a lot of cool things going on!
Alli Temple and Liz Worth join the IG Live Author Series
I’ve been a long-time fan of Alli Temple’s novels, and she has not disappointed with her latest series, Afterlife Incorporated. The first, Only Mostly Dead, is basically ‘Beetlejuice’ meets ‘The Office’ and if that doesn’t sell it, I don’t know how to help you.
Check out our chat:
Liz Worth is a new-to-me author and poet, and I am already a fan. Her latest poetry collection, Inside Every Dream, a Raging Sea, is a brew of mythology, folklore, witchy miasma of feminism, change, power, and resiliency. It’s gorgeous and I read it while spending a quiet weekend on the St. Lawrence River, listening to the wind and rain. Perfection.
Check out our conversation here:
I’m Heading to GritLIT and the FOLD!
I’m so excited to be invited to both GritLIT and the FOLD this year! Check out their lineups. They’re going to be epic.
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Want to be a guest on KJ’s IG Live Author Series? Send me an email: contact@kjaiello.ca
Also, check out my debut book, The Monster and the Mirror: Mental Illness, Magic, and the Stories We Tell. It’s out now!
Until next time, be well.
KJ